I Know, I Know

I know it’s been a sweet forever since I’ve posted anything.  Sorry, about that but life has been moving at a breakneck speed for the past few months.  There’s been a ton of travel for work to New Mexico, Colorado, Nevada, and Washington.  Not to mention tons of stress in the Houston office.  As well as a fitness-crisis and relationship-fixing.

 

I’ve been struggling with balancing living out faith/home and work, with a strong desire to be more focused on home and faith.  I’ve come to a conclusion – God wants me living out my faith more at work.  I’ve been fighting the desire to be home and made myself miserable in my work life.  Well that does not equate to a very good attitude or representation of Christ at work.  I’m not saying I just flipped a switch one day and became this awesome Christian living out her faith boldly in the workplace, but I am saying that I make an effort every day.  Some days I fail miserably, some days I have small victories.  But because I’ve made myself so miserable I have not felt inclined to blog.  

 

I’ve also been struggling with terrible body image issues.  I’ve gain about 35 pounds since D and I married 3 years ago and it’s catching up with me.  I have never struggled with my weight until now and it’s a totally new experience for me.  It’s tough – it’s hard work – it’s embarrassing.  But one day a few weeks ago I hit my wall, so to speak.  I decided to stop wallowing in self-pity, making excuses as to why I cannot get healthy ( I don’t have time, it’s too expensive, etc., etc., etc.).  I’m on a healthy eating plan and regular work out schedule.  Again, I know I won’t be perfect at this and there will be days I will be discouraged, but I will push through with God’s help.  I’m not looking to become a supermodel or cause those reading to develop their own body issues.  I just realized that I cannot do much for God if I let myself become unhealthy.  I’d hate to stand before Him one day and say, “Sorry I allowed myself to become so out of shape that I was unable to obey You.”  No ma’am, not gonna let that happen.  So that’s been taking up a lot of my time as well.

 

Then, since D and I moved to Houston, our together time has been drastically reduced.  In Shreveport, we ate lunch together almost every day, had at least 3 hours with each other at the end of the day, and had a devotion almost every night.  In Houston, we never eat lunch together, get about one good hour together after work, I travel a ton, and I’m so exhausted at the end of the night that we don’t do our devotion.  We decided to change that.  So, again, not much time for blogging.

 

And then, we are trying to have a baby.  Well, you all know, that takes time folks. 

 

I will continue to blog because I want to look back and see the work God has done in my life.  And, also to look back on our memories.  And once babies come along, I’ll be blogging a ton. 

 

So, sorry for the inconsistency, but thanks for stopping by occasionally.  I promise, there will be new posts – just not every day and maybe not every week.

 

 

Trust and Be Thankful

As I read my devotion this morning the hymn Trust and Obey kept playing through my mind.  I examined the following verses:

⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!  Philippians 4:4

1 Come, let us sing for joy to the LORD;

let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation.
2 Let us come before him with thanksgiving
and extol him with music and song.   Psalm 95: 1-2

10 Those who know your name trust in you,

for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.  Psalm 9:10

If you've been reading my last few posts, you know I am reading the devotion Jesus Calling by Sarah Young.  Here are the sections I highlighted today:

...Trust is the channel through which My Peace flows into you.  Thankfulness lifts you up above your circumstances...Rather than planning and evaluating, practice trusting and thanking Me continually.

This all really struck a chord with me.  I realized I go through a lot of my life whinning and complaining about my circumstances, planning and evaluating so I can avoid my fears, or begging God for something (whatever it is I think I need at the moment) - but I rarely stop and just thank Him and trust Him in whatever circumstance I am facing.  I will beg to be let out of that circumstance, but it's not often I actually thank Him in the midst.  I imagine God watching me just yearning to give me peace and to lift me above my circumstances, but I stand in the way.  In my human weakness, I really think I can bring peace to myself with my actions.  He must shake His head at me a lot. 

As I pondered this, God revealed to me that there is nothing wrong with planning and evaluating (in fact, many of us have a gift for just those things).  The problem arises when we do this out of fear instead of out of trust. Trust that God has me in the palm of His hand and is guiding me along.  He already has the road paved.  He may reveal to me a plan He has and I can then implement the gifts of planning and evaluating.  It's then that He shows me just how much He loves me. 

For a Melancholy, Type A like myself, to see God's power unfold through the work (planning and evaluating) He has given me is so amazing and satisfying. 

So, if you are like me - you have a need to know every possible scenario and outcome before you make a move - have peace.  God has already done all the  planning and evaluating.  He does not need you to do it for Him.  But if He does use you in His work, do it out of faith not fear.  Trust in Him and be Thankful that you do not have to carry the weight of this world on your shoulders - He's got it.

I'll leave you with the words of Trust and Obey today:

When we walk with the Lord in the light of His Word,

What a glory He sheds on our way!
While we do His good will, He abides with us still,
And with all who will trust and obey.


Refrain:
Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.


Not a shadow can rise, not a cloud in the skies,
But His smile quickly drives it away;
Not a doubt or a fear, not a sigh or a tear,
Can abide while we trust and obey.

Not a burden we bear, not a sorrow we share,
But our toil He doth richly repay;
Not a grief or a loss, not a frown or a cross,
But is blessed if we trust and obey.


But we never can prove the delights of His love
Until all on the altar we lay;
For the favor He shows, for the joy He bestows,
Are for them who will trust and obey.

Then in fellowship sweet we will sit at His feet,
Or we’ll walk by His side in the way;
What He says we will do, where He sends we will go;
Never fear, only trust and obey.

Do Not Be Anxious!

So if any of you read the Thorny Soil post, you know I am struggling with fear and anxiety.  It creeps up and then out of the blue I'll be a ball of nerves, most of the time over nothing.  For example, this morning I woke up at 4:30 and could not go back to sleep.  Why?  Because I was worrying over my schedule for the weekend and trying to figure out how to get it all done.  Is that really worth losing sleep over?  No.  It's a daily battle and the Enemy knows this is where he can get me. And even though I know the only defense is to fill myself with the Spirit through time with Him, I can never be consistent.  Holla if ya feel me, sistas!

All that to say, since I was up at the crack. o. dawn.  I was able to get to work very early (over an hour early) and I had time to be with the Spirit. Thank you Jesus.  I'm reading this awesome daily devotion, Jesus Calling - Enjoying Peace in His Presence, by Sarah Young and it is blowing my mind.  My sweet SIL gave it to me for Christmas and it's been the best gift. 

I want to share this morning's word and I hope that if you are struggling just as I am, that this will give you some peace:

REFUSE TO WORRY!  In this world there will always be something enticing you to worry. That is the nature of a fallen, fractured planet:  Things are not as they should be. So the temptation to be anxious is constantly with you, trying to worm its way into your mind.  The best defense is continual communication with Me, richly seasoned with thanksgiving.  Awareness of My Presence fills your mind with Light and Peace, leaving no room for fear.  This awareness lifts you up above your circumstances, enabling you to see problems from My perspective.  Live close to Me! Together we can keep the wolves of worry at bay.

John 10:4
⁴ When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice.

Luke 12:25-26
²⁵ Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? ²⁶ Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

I Thessalonians 5:16-18
16 Rejoice always, 17 pray continually, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Wow, that Sarah does have a way with words, doesn't she? And then these verses, wow.  Reading this today I felt as if God and Sarah had a meeting about GrumpyPants and decided to write a devotion just for me. Of course that did not happen, but I am floored at how God can speak so individually yet so globally all at the same time.

My response?

God,

Thank you for being the Great and All Powerful, but especially thank you for being my personal Father.  I am so grateful that you go on ahead of me in this life.  You know how everything will work out and you have planned it, so what am I so worried about?  Thank you for reminding me that you will bring me through, you will not harm me.  You have always and will always provide what my family and I need.  If I cling to you I will be able to hold all you have given me with an open hand - and be able to let it go if you so desire.  Thank you for loving me even in my disobedience and thank you for your protection and provision. I ask for your perspective today and a mind that is open to your Holy Spirit's leading.  I REFUSE TO WORRY TODAY!

In Jesus' Name, Amen

Many Blessings Sisters!

Another Unplanned Hiatus

Well, here I am again, apologizing for taking another unplanned hiatus from blogging. Sorry about that.  But I've decided I won't apologize anymore. 

The hiatus came because life took off.  We moved, had the holidays, and work got very busy.  In the midst of all this have come some real life drama and disappointments.  I've been forced to be a grown up, and we all know that's not fun.  Through all this I learned I don't handle change and disappointment very well.  I'm also struggling to balance my life. Mostly because I'm a planner and not much has happened according to my almighty plan (God has really had some good laughs on my behalf lately).  I did not respond very well to that.  Basically, there was a lot of crying, whining, shouting, and driving my poor hubby insane.  So I began seeing a sweet counselor at our church.  I want to learn how to respond to life in a way that pleases God instead of viewing everything through my selfish eyes. 

It's been a great process and I'm very grateful for it all - even the crying.  :)  Anyway, that did not leave much time for blogging.  I decided to focus on my man and our life for a little while.  I know you understand. 

But let me catch you up...

We did move into our wonderful new home (pics coming as soon as the Hubs can find time to get them off his camera).  Two weeks later we had the whole family over for Thanksgiving.  Nothing like a little motivation to get the unpacking done :).  Then two weeks after that we had our Open House.  Again, motivation to put the finishing touches on the home.  Of course, there was Christmas, which was glorious.  D was in our church's large Christmas production and for a week went to work at 8a and did not come home until 10p or later.  But it was an awesome experience for him.  Our sweet friends the McG's came to a show and loved it.  After the show we headed to Shreveport for an entire week. That was heaven.  We did not have to rush through a visit but were able to see everyone and enjoy our time there. 

Once we returned from the holidays, work just took off for both of us.  I have had several 70 hour weeks and travel, but it all seems to be settling down a bit now. 

I can't complain.  I have a very loving marriage to a man who loves God and me, a beautiful new home, sweet friends, a great job, and I work with awesome people.  I'm so grateful for this period in my life, even though it's taken some adjustment.  It's through these challenges God makes us stronger and brings us closer to him.

I'll try to get some pics up of our adventures over these past few months.  And I'll post as often as I can, but I can't guarantee consistency.  So please check back periodically.  I promise I'm not gone, only living life.

The Texas Hill Country

So the Hubs and I are going to take our first vacation since we were married in May.  We are going to take in the Texas experience and go to the Hill Country. We have been hearing about it since we moved here, so we decided to take the plunge.  I think Greune is our destination of choice, and then a day trip to San Antonio.  But if you guys have any suggestions please let me know. I am in the process of planning now. 

Thanks.

Am I the Thorny Soil?

I am at a point in my spiritual life where it's time to leave adolescence and begin adult hood.  Now,  I believe that an person's age has absolutely nothing to do with their spiritual maturity - it's all about the pace at which God has planned for that particular person's life.  I'm of the slow to mature variety.  I've been a Christian 18 years and I've felt God calling me to a different place in my walk recently.  For so long I have taken from God - going to church/prayer/Bible study to feel fellowship, to feel better, to learn, to get to Heaven - but it's time to not only continue to do those things but begin allowing God to work through me.  Not coming from a Christian home, I have no idea what that looks like, but I feel ready to begin that journey. 

So that is why a particular morning devotion hit me so hard recently.  I am going through Making the Most of Your Resources, a Women of Faith study.

It's a great, easy little devotion with a ton of God's wisdom.  So anyway,  I was reading last night and it brought me to Matthew 13: 1-23, The Parable of the Sower:

1 That same day Jesus went out of the house and sat by the lake. 2 Such large crowds gathered around him that he got into a boat and sat in it, while all the people stood on the shore. 3 Then he told them many things in parables, saying: “A farmer went out to sow his seed. 4 As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. 5 Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. 6 But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. 7 Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. 8 Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown. 9 Whoever has ears, let them hear.”

10 The disciples came to him and asked, “Why do you speak to the people in parables?”


11 He replied, “Because the knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of heaven has been given to you, but not to them. 12 Whoever has will be given more, and they will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them. 13 This is why I speak to them in parables:

“Though seeing, they do not see;

though hearing, they do not hear or understand.

14 In them is fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah:

“‘You will be ever hearing but never understanding;

you will be ever seeing but never perceiving.

15 For this people’s heart has become calloused;

they hardly hear with their ears,

and they have closed their eyes.

Otherwise they might see with their eyes,

hear with their ears,

understand with their hearts

and turn, and I would heal them.’[a]

16 But blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear. 17 For truly I tell you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see but did not see it, and to hear what you hear but did not hear it.


18 “Listen then to what the parable of the sower means: 19 When anyone hears the message about the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in their heart. This is the seed sown along the path. 20 The seed falling on rocky ground refers to someone who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. 21 But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away. 22 The seed falling among the thorns refers to someone who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, making it unfruitful. 23 But the seed falling on good soil refers to someone who hears the word and understands it. This is the one who produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.”

I realized I am the seed among the thorns.  I have struggled for so long to leave my childish, adolescent understanding of my faith behind, but something always holds me back.  I now realize, it's been my fears, my worries - I've allowed the deceitfulness of wealth choke the Word.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to say that having wealth (whatever that means to you) is wrong and makes you less of a Christian.  But, I am saying that by putting my faith in that wealth is wrong and I've let it deceive me for far too long.  For many reasons I've put my faith in wealth - I mean who wouldn't, it's tangible and attainable and by the world's view it brings security.   

Well, as I discovered this through my devotion, God brought to mind another devotion I'd read a few weeks earlier.  In it the author discusses fears and how they hold us back (see a recurring theme, do you think God is trying to tell me something?).  In it the author had an excellent idea, write down all your fears.  All the things that take your thoughts away from God and focus everything on you.  Give those fears to God and then when he addresses those fears write that down as well.  That way you can begin move your focus to God and to see that God is just as real, more real, than any wealth.  He loves you, wants to know your fears, and address them for you.

So, to hold myself accountable, here are my current fears:

1)    I'm scared we will never have enough money to pay our bills
2)    I'm scared of some unforeseen disaster that will take away all our security (house, cars, jobs)
3)    I'm scared I'll never be the wife God wants me to be for D
4)    I'm scared we will never have a baby
5)    I'm scared we will never have enough money to have a baby
6)    I'm scared we will have a baby.
7)    I'm scared I won't be a good mother because I have to work
8)    I'm scared I'll work so much I'll miss the life God has for me
9)    I'm scared I'll worry myself into oblivion
10)  I'm scared of others opinions of me
11)  I'm scared my motivations in serving God are not pure
12)  I'm scared my lost loved ones will never come to know Christ and it will be my fault because I never    
       opened my mouth
13)  I'm scared I'll never get control of my temper
14)  I'm scared I'll never be the person God wants me to be (at work, at home)
15)  I'm scared I'm not outgoing enough and I'll lose out on real relationships with other women
16)  I'm scared to tell God my fears because He will make me face them.

I think that's enough for now.  I'm being so open with this because I know I am not the only woman who struggles with these things.  We are not alone.  God wants us to give our all to him, that includes our fears.  Don't be like me.  Don't be the thorny soil and let your fears choke out the power of God's word in your life for years.

I'm excited and scared all at the same time about this new phase of my life.  But I know He is with me through this all and I remember:

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.


God bless you sisters in our journey.

March, Already?

Not much to say except, is it really March?  I guess that means I should take down the Christmas tree and other decorations.  Hehe!  I meanb, it takes such effort to put up the decorations and I like to enjoy them as long as possible - is that all bad? That, or I'm just a chronic procrastinator.  Either way, I think the time has come.

Kidney Stones and Stay Puft

Just take a gander at this pic:

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that is a Stay Puft Marshmallow Man Bank.  Who is Stay Puft?  If you grew up in the 80's and you don't know, for shame!  Please see the blockbuster, favorite film of my childhood, Ghostbusters. 

This is how my sweet hubby cheers me up (after kidney stones and terrifying plane rides) - he drives across town and buys me this bank because he knows it will make me smile.  Then, we curl up on the couch and watch Ghostbusters I and II.  Yeah, he loves me that much.  Eat your heart out.

The Pain! Oh the Pain!

It started out like any other day.  Well, any other day that I am traveling for work in Washington state or Nevada.  On this particular day, I flew from Seattle, WA to Fallon, NV.  The day began bright and early at 5am and I hit the bed in Fallon at 10:30pm - a typical travel day for me.  I was in the middle of a 5 day work trip, trying to pace myself and missing my hubby terribly.  I had already endured the scariest plane ride of my life. I flew in a little commuter plane from Yakima to Seattle, WA with a snow storm chasing me the entire way.  I had never experienced such turbulence.  SCARY!  But I made it and had only two more plane rides that week.  I figured, if that plane ride is the worst I have to experience, I'll be fine.

Well,  I had no idea what was coming my way. 

As I said, I hit the bed on Tuesday at 10:30p and was looking forward to a very restful sleep.  Then 2 hours later I woke up with the worst pain I have ever felt.  The pain was in my right side and I immediately began getting sick - the cool little commode was my best friend.  I could not stop getting sick and the pain would not stop.  This continued for an hour.  When there was nothing left in my stomach, I finally was given a reprieve.  I immediately called Cece, my nurse traveling with me who also just happens to be an emergency room (ER) nurse.  It's moments like this you know there is a God.  She rushed down to my room and immediately knew what was going on - Kidney Stones!

I'd always heard people say it's a pain worse than child birth, but I always thought they were just making more of it than it really is.  They were so right!  It's the worse. 

I was terrified because I had no idea what was going on.  But Cece saved the day.  She threw me in the rental car and rushed me to the ED we were in town to visit.  They pumped me full of pain meds within 5 minutes of my arrival and I could finally begin to relax.  After about 4 hours, I was stable enough to discharge.  I was so full of pain and anti nausea medication, I could barely hold up my head.  But I slept all day and I needed it.  Because the next day, Thursday, I had to get on a plane back home.

Keep in mind I still had not passed the stone and was still experiencing nausea.  Now talk about a nightmare!  I was so scared I would get sick on the plane.  But I had to get home to my sweet worried hubby.  Cece pumped me full of drugs, so I was pretty groggy through most of the experience.  I was given first class service - I was escorted through both airports in a wheelchair and it was heaven.  I have to say that the Reno and Houston George Bush Airport personnel are so caring.  I was never made to feel like a burden.  But, just my luck, I had another very turbulent plane ride home.  Apparently, the snow storm I had barley missed earlier in the week was again, hot on my trail.  But we just experienced some turbulence and did not get stranded. 

We finally landed Thursday around 7p and I have never been so happy to be home.  I saw my sweet man and finally felt peace.  He has taken such awesome care of me.  I already know I have an incredible husband, but it's always so wonderful when I'm sick and he becomes the great caretaker that he is.  He's cooked all my meals, made special trips to the store for cravings (Hostess Chocolate Cupcakes), waited on me hand and foot.  He's takes that in sickness and in health vow seriously.

It's Monday and I am still home on the mend.  I go to the doctor tomorrow and hopefully this whole ordeal can be put to bed and I can get back to life. 

Well, that's my harrowing story.  I know many people have been through much worse, but to be over 1,000 miles from home and to be so sick, for me is just about the worst thing that has happened to me so far.  I am so grateful for the people who put themselves before me and took such great care of me:  Cece, Cindy and Traci (the other two nurses traveling with us), the ED nurse and doctor, the flight attendants and personnel who helped get me home.  And of course, D.  God shows himself so clearly through these circumstances and he showed up time and time again.

VIRUS!!!!!

Hey Everyone,

I'm not quite sure of all the repercussions, but my Blogger account has been hacked.  I just had to delete a very strange entry I did not post.  I also have a ton of Mail Delivery Errors in my personal email.  So if you receive something very strange from me DO NOT OPEN it, just delete it immediately and probably do a virus scan on your computer. 

Thanks.