Friday, August 21, 2009

Trust In...

I just finished reading a great trilogy of books by Linda Lee Chaiken, The East of the Sun trilogy (check it out of your church's library or your local library or buy it at Lifeway). The books follow a young woman, Evy, through her life and as she falls in love and marries Rogan, in the late 1800's and early 1900's. The focus of their relationship is Evy learning to put her trust in God as well as her husband. That struck a chord with me. I love my husband more than words can express. He is the most loving, sacrificing, and humble man of God and I thank God for him everyday. But, I'd have to say that trust has been an issue with us. Don't get me wrong, we're very happy - I think this is why they say marriage is the ultimate Refiners fire. In marriage, you are forced to face all the good and bad things about yourself, but hopefully, with a loving partner who is willing to go on that journey with you. Don has been so wonderful through this process.

Anywoo, I was single for 28 years before I was married. In the South that is apparently considered OLD MAID territory. Whatever, I wasn't ready to be married until then, so there.(that's a little shout out to all my single ladies who think that just because they are 20 something and not married they are losers. NO MA'AM! God will bring your man about at His appointed time and it is wonderful when He does - so don't rush things. Enjoy your singledom, God has a purpose in it, seek it out). Ok I'm done with my little side note.

So, like I said, I was 28 when I was married. Plus, I came from a single mom family, so I was used to being very independent and not having a man around. This has led me to make some rooky wifey mistakes. Such as questioning my husband on every decision he makes. Why? Why did we turn this way, I go that way? Why? Why? Why? Ummm, I can see how that can be quite annoying, but at the time I feel like I'm entitled to know everything. Instead of just trusting my husband and his ability to make decisions for us.

Evy and Rogan faced this on a much more dramatic scale. The scene that really spoke to my heart was when Evy and Rogan's ship (this takes place in 1900) docked in Tarshish. Rogan was in a hurry to get them passage on another ship and told Evy not to go into town. Evy decided she was going anyway - despite her husbands wishes. She didn't think that he might have a good reason for not wanting her to leave. No, she just thought he was being mean and she deserved to get off the ship. Well, let's just say, Rogan swooped in just in time to save her from a desperate situation. If she'd just listened to him and trusted that he knew what he was talking about and that he had her best interest at heart, she never would have been in danger nor done damage to their relationship.

As I read this, I finally became fully aware of how I have hurt my husband by not trusting in him. When he brings this up I usually say I deserve to ask questions and know what's going on. I did not realize until recently that I am in essence questioning him and his abilities as a husband. I had no idea because I was only looking at it from my perspective. I am sooooo sorry Sasparilla, I love you and even though I know I won't be perfect, I will trust you and have trusted you always. I just have not done a very good job at showing that.

I started to think about all our pre marital counseling. We were told marriage represents man's relationship with God. Wow! Did I screw up or what? Not only did I tell my husband I didn't trust myself with him, I told God I didn't trust him with me. I never realized how arrogant I could be. But again, that's part of marriage, God revealing our little issues and helping us deal with them with a loving partner.

I'm not trying to say we as wives shouldn't ever question our husbands, just check your motives. Am I asking because I just want to know or understand? Or am I asking so I can make sure I get my way? Quite humbling.

Let me leave you with a few verses God brought to mind today.

I trust in God. I praise his word.
I trust in God. I will not be afraid.
What can people do to me?
Psalm 56:4 (NIRV)

Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.
Psalm 62:8 (NIV)

Have a great day and be encouraged - no wife is perfect (neither is a husband) - hold each other up and encourage each other in your journey through life - do not persecute each other, but love unconditionally.

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